Fear love

January 28, 2011 § Leave a comment

Sometimes this chair here, swallow me whole.

Glued to it, I find myself, in fidgety anticipation of.. whatever. A flash of productivity, perhaps…  An epiphany maybe? A flicker of inspiration…?

I sit waiting… for something.

Waiting for books to start reading themselves to me out-loud…  or fingers, to hammer out some code despite…

I flick the lights, on and off… then on again …then off. A temporary mood-fix switch.

I search endlessly for the perfect song to explain it all away. I take a shower… perhaps these scolding drizzles drip-dropping down will bring answers. None come. I dry myself off with a dirty towel, take a seat and wait some more…

I think back to past epiphanies.. How did I call to them before? How did they know to find me…?

I light a candle , I light two… Still nothing.

I change the song… I look down at my untouched books, then glance at the time. It’s getting late.

I haven’t moved for hours… nervously awaiting. A few things come, but none give purpose… none stop this flicking of the lights, and this incessant search for sound to drown, these thoughts of mine…  I wait some more, then wonder what I’m waiting for…

I tell myself, before I lay my head tonight, I must first dream up something grand… to take this plight.

For love, it seems, is easily confused with fear ….and fear with love. And hats off to those that know the difference! …and when like tiny grains of sand they slip on through your fingers – you sit and wait for something else to come … i guess.

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